I underlined the above word "grieve" on purpose. But let's say that Jabez, in his request, ended it with something different, like:

"...that it may not piss me off!"

Proverbs 15:1 (Good News Version) says:
"A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up."

Yet the word "resent" does not appear in either the Old or New Testament, but a form of "bitterness" appears about sixty-eight times, and it always is shown in a negative fashion.

2 Samuel 2:26 (Good News Version) states:
"Abner called out to Joab, 'Do we have to go on fighting forever? Can't you see that in the end there will be nothing but bitterness ...?'"

Is there a message there? Perhaps.

Before we go any further, the word "grieve" must be defined.

Many people confuse grieving with crying and sobbing. These words are not synonymous. Yes, oftentimes weeping and wailing are a major part of the grieving process. But people grieve in many different ways. Some humans are capable of just blowing off losses quickly and moving on. To some psychologists, however, they don't believe this is possible. They are wrong. They are projecting their own (fragile) emotional stability onto others.

Still others tuck away and distract from losses (using a stoical response). This allows them to focus outward on other more worthwhile projects (like serving others). These distractions place their own loss into proper perspective, such as (adapted), "I was grieving because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet."

As long as that "tucking away" process isn't merely submerging their anger, it is a healthy process for those who are able to do it. This method is discussed, in depth, in the best-selling book, "One Nation Under Therapy" by Christina Hoff Sommers and Sally Satel, M.D.. In this book, these authors expose the fallacies of the "grief industry" promoted by certain therapists.

Despite a multitude of references in the Scriptures to the traditional mourning process, there is also evidence, from God, of this "blowing off" or "tucking away" type of grieving. It appears in 1 Kings. Elijah had just finished one of the greatest demonstrations of God's power ever. He showed, in chapter eighteen, who was really God as opposed to the false god Baal. Furious, the infamous Jezebel then set out to kill the prophet. Elijah fled for his life.

1 Kings 19:4 (Good News Version) states:
"Elijah walked a whole day into the wilderness. He stopped and sat down in the shade of a tree and wished that he would die."

Rather than accept this self-pity from Elijah, God responded by sending an angel with a loaf of bread and a jar of water, who ordered him to eat and to get ready for the trip God was sending him on. Then, despite many additional "poor me" pleas from Elijah for sympathy, God would have none of it. After further demonstrating his power, God sent him on his next missions, one of which was to appoint Elijah's successor, Elisha. This forced Elijah to "blow off" his grief and get on with life. Needless to say, God knew best and everything ordained was accomplished.

There are only two long term responses that human beings have to choose from when presented with a significant loss in his or her life. Often the first response is anger. "How could God have done this to me?" But, after the initial shock wears off, man can deal with loss in only two ways, by grieving it out or by internalizing the anger and, then, turning it into resentment (or denial, which is merely a form of resentment that is buried even deeper in the subconscious).

Please commit the following information to memory because, how you use this information, will determine your entire emotional future (either functional or dysfunctional).

Grief is temporary.

Anger, turned to resentment, is eternal.

Keeping that in mind, also now memorize the following, because it is the basis for what causes all normieness and all non-normie behavior, after a (perceived) significant loss.

Normies grieve losses.

Non-normies internalize losses as resentment.

Genesis 50:10 (Good News Version) says:

(Joseph had just lost his father, Jacob, and he brought the body back from Egypt to where his ancestors had been buried.)

"When they came to the threshing place at Atad east of the Jordan, they mourned loudly for a long time, and Joseph performed mourningceremonies for seven days."

This is how we were designed to handle loss, but non-normies go against this teaching and handle loss through anger.

Matthew 5:4 (The Reformation Study Bible) states:

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

There is a story about a famous non-normie who had spent his entire adult life angry, and at war with God.

You see, when this man was about eight years old, his older brother got very sick. This young man worshiped his older brother so he prayed to God to save him. Unfortunately, the older brother died. Rather than grieve this loss and get on with his life, the youngster internalized his loss as resentment, against God. He decided that he was going to punish God for what God did to him. So how does a young man punish an omnipotent deity? Well, it may not make much sense to you, but he attempted it by not believing in God anymore, and by trying to influence others to do the same.

This began a pattern for him that he continued for the rest of his life. He stayed at war with God, and he continued to not grieve his future losses. As one resentment piled up on top of another, the fires burning within his psyche got hotter and hotter. This produced a driven nature that drove him into working harder than anyone else around him. He enjoyed each victory in business because it further proved that there was, in fact, no such thing as God. Why? Think about it from the standpoint of this driven non-normie. If there was a God, and if he didn't believe in him, how could he be so successful in life mocking him? Surely he would have been struck down by lightning if God really existed.

Obviously this man thought that God had the same short temper that he had, and today he is one of the richest and most famous people in the world. He will probably go to his grave warring against God, but not because he chose it now. He only chose once in his life--the first time after his older brother died. After that, his internal driven nature did all the choosing for him. He ceased being in control of himself a long time ago, but he still thinks that he is making all of his own choices. He believes that he is a self-made man. Actually, he is a driven-made man, controlled by the internal resentments of his past, and he has gained no internal peace in the process.

A driven nature, like the one described above was, was at one time a choice, when the first major loss in life presented itself. The biggest problem with choosing resentment is that it becomes habit forming in the life of a non-normie. Without some sort of functional parenting, at that critical moment, the child will never change his response method throughout his entire life.

Non-normieness, almost universally, begins during childhood where the youngster experiences some sort of loss. Losses occur most often when the family was dysfunctional. It could be severe, such as having a parent who was alcoholic, or a drug abuser, and where the other parent was a flaming codependent. It could also be more subtle, like when a parent dies and the child blames him or herself (dysfunctionally), creating an abandonment issue. But, whether big or small, it's not the size of the loss that determines non-normieness. It's all in the response. If the young person reacts in anger, refuses to grieve and internalizes it, non-normieness begins.

Once begun, however, it continues to repeat itself in the psyche, over and over again. Remember, this process does not require a lot of losses. It only requires the perception of many losses. One child can be knocked off the baseball team and it's "no big deal." Another can mentally magnify this event, and others like it, into full-fledged psychodramas.

There is an old term that's used often by fire departments and fire insurance companies when they find a dense dry wooded or brush area that is highly likely to catch fire. They refer to it as a conflagration area. It merely means that the risk is great because the region is like a tinder box, ready to go up in smoke. If it should catch fire, it will become a conflagration and if there are homes and/or businesses close by, it's potentially very hazardous.

Non-normies, who continue to internalize their resentments, create hot spots in their psyches. Hot spots are areas where a lot of resentments have piled up. The Bible refers to this as "the root of bitterness."

If the person continues this lifestyle of handling losses, and there are a lot of (perceived) losses that the non-normie has experienced, eventually they will create an inferno of hot spots that can consume one's spirit. And, in time, concentrated and mounting hot spots create conflagration areas in the psyche that eventually ignite into conflagrations.

Now the flaming non-normie can't just walk around with a smile on his or her face when those hot spots are merging into conflagration areas, which someday will erupt into internal forest fires. They will have to be displaced, somewhere. If they aren't, they will be assigned to someplace(s) in the body and cause any number of illnesses, which is what often happens (and why the emergency rooms of our country are always full, twenty-four hours a day).

Instead of displacing these conflagration areas in the body, many attach them to symbols of good and evil causes, that they then can vociferously pursue. This non-normie symbolism will be covered in depth in the section titled, "The non-normie negative effects on groups and countries."

The National Institutes of Health recently reported that roughly seventeen percent of the population suffers from depression. Since I've previously estimated that fifteen percent of the population are polar-non-normies, and depression is a direct result of anger turned inward, our figures are not really that far apart.

Some non-normies retreat to alcohol. Others use sex. Still others find relief in work, politics, causes or exercise--not to mention crime for the criminal non-normie. Whatever it is, they do it with an exuberance beyond anything a normie can relate to. They have to. They have to relieve the pressure inside, somehow.

So they choose something to calm the rage (booze, sex, perversions, drugs or a combination of two or more). Others try to distract themselves from the rage by becoming workaholics, causeaholics, or exerciseaholics. They use their driven nature as motivation for working long hours and achieving great feats.

Normies can have drive. But they remain in control of that drive.

Non-normies are driven by forces inside of them over which they have little, if any, control. That ability to exercise self-control was lost years ago.

This is why these people are never happy. It is impossible for them to ever be contented with what they've done because it's never enough to calm the fires that burn inside them.

The original John D. Rockefeller, founder of Standard Oil, was once asked, "How much money is enough?" He responded, "Just a little bit more."

There is temporary gratification through substance abuse, sex, pornography, over eating, homosexuality, or through great achievements at work (i.e.: money and/or power), by obsessively promoting causes (i.e.: environmentalism or religion) or through exercise (like running a marathon). But, shortly thereafter, the conflagration area ignites again and, once more, they need another (but stronger) dose of the elixir that they've chosen to fix them.

This is why you'll hear non-normies, of all kinds, defend their actions by saying, "I couldn't help it," or, "No one is perfect." Non-normies hate blame, especially when it's directed at them, because they already feel guilty inside. That's why they lash out so virulently when real blame is headed their way. This is the reason why non-normies, like non-normie teachers, put such emphasis on self-esteem for their children. It's because they have none themselves and they assume that other children are like they were as a child. Then, through their non-normie dysfunctional empathy (projection), they seek to save all children from the fate that they suffered. The problem today is that non-normie teachers are putting more emphasis on building self-esteem than they are on the mastery of reading and arithmetic, which truly does build self-esteem in children.

This driven nature is also why you cannot trust a non-normie in any area that conflicts with some cause or person where they have attached their hot spots (and resulting symbols). You will always lose in that contest, no matter how sound your logic is (even if you are married to, and in love with, that person).

You see, normies believe a particular thing because they've convinced themselves, rationally, that it is true. Non-normies believe something is true because they want to believe that it is true. Real evidence is inconsequential to the belief. What's worse, because they are so insecure in those beliefs, they hate normies who are confident in their own beliefs. You'll hear them question normies, angrily, "How can you be so sure that you're right?" "You are arrogant to be so confident!" I'm sure that Rush Limbaugh has heard that last one, at least, a million times.

Additionally, virtually all non-normies subscribe to the fundamental principal, "People can change." This fantasy is critical to massaging their psyches. Why? Because it's their only hope for normalcy. It's been proven, by study after study, that by the time a person is twenty-five years of age, his or her mental template is pretty well fixed for the rest of life. That prospect scares the hell out of non-normies and, therefore, they don't believe it. That's why they love therapy. Non-normies believe that therapy can cure anything. They have to believe it. The alternative is too scary to even consider.

Alcoholics Anonymous knows that adult people cannot change who and what they are. They can only change what they do. Left to their own choices, alcoholics will drink. That's why these compulsive drinkers have to submit (surrender) to a normie solution and a normie program--which is merely a normie parent--to teach them how to act like normies. All non-normies either have to surrender to normie instruction or be doomed to continue in their dysfunction. They can't help it.

Another commonality of non-normies is the importance of an apology. They are willing to forgive the most heinous criminal acts, whether rape, murder or robbery, if only the accused will sincerely apologize. Probation is the usual non-normie recommendation if this criminal just confesses, apologizes for what he or she did, and seeks therapy. (Once again it's based on the belief that people can change and that therapy can cure dysfunction.)

You'll see them become incensed, however, if the convicted person sneers at them or gives them the finger because this indicates that his evil is unrepentant, unlike theirs. This characteristic comes from a deep seated non-normie desire to be forgiven themselves. If society can forgive a horrible repentant criminal, then surely (he or she thinks), "I can be forgiven."

The dysfunctional part of this, though, is that non-normies hate to apologize themselves. They'll use any tactic to avoid it, including blaming normies for what they did, because an admission of guilt strikes fear in their hearts. It's like an alcoholic finally admitting that he or she has a drinking problem. And, especially, non-normies can never truly forgive the person, or people, that hurt them growing up (and who supposedly caused their non-normieness). They'll always hold them accountable through their internalized anger - which, therefore, can never be fully released since they can't grieve it out.

THE DRUG OF CHOICE

How did each non-normie, who not only chose to become a non-normie through a dysfunctional reaction to loss, also choose a particular method for alleviating the internal pain? The best illustration I can offer is by relating it to your normal shopping trip to the supermarket when you are very hungry.

You, the normie, enter the supermarket hungry (just like the non-normie is hungry for relief from the fires burning within). You go up and down the aisles, looking for something that appeals to you, a food that will satisfy the hunger you arrived with. Finally you stop and see something. It may be fish, or roast beef. It could be Mexican food or Chinese. Whatever it is, your eyes send a message to your brain. This item is the answer! You buy it, take it home and, assuming that the taste matches up with your hunger craving and you finish eating as a satisfied person.

Non-normies enter a similar supermarket (the supermarket of dysfunctional choices) when their raging hot spots begin to produce emotional pain. They also go up and down the aisles, looking for something to relieve that pain. One shelf displays alcohol. Another promotes drugs. He or she continues to shop. Work is another potential solution for fixing themselves. Also lining the aisle are causes, sex, exercise, bulimia, anorexia, homosexuality, excessive eating and even obsessive relationships. Some non-normies think, "At least with obsessive relationships one can look to another person to satisfy one's needs." Finally the non-normie picks a drug of choice and tries it. If it works, it's continued and the dosage is increased as the pain escalates.

Sometimes the agony goes beyond the ability of the drug of choice to alleviate the rising pain. At that point, the non-normie will go shopping once again and change the drug of choice. This often happens when alcoholics move up into hard drugs.

If a hot spot conflagration area gets out of hand, though, sometimes suicide is the only logical answer (logical only in the dysfunctional mind of the non-normie, of course).

But before they made these choices, and before this potential tragic end occurs, if it does, non-normies had observed normies throughout their lives. The normies that they saw were usually calm family men or women, happy for the most part, well adjusted and they were hard workers (but within reason).

Do non-normies go up to normies to find out how they do it? Of course not. Instead, they find ways to belittle normies, to repudiate their life style and to attack their belief systems. Non-normies actually will look for ways to get them into trouble, even if truth has to be sacrificed in the process. This is why non-normies are the primary promoters of relativism. After all, truth isn't absolute. It's only relative to their circumstances.

This concept is most media-visible in politics and in causes. Non-normies hate normies and will go to any extent to cast them in the most demeaning light. Remember what I told you before. Non-normies think backwards and, for those who think backwards, the ends always justify the means. First comes the conclusion. Then comes the rationalization to justify the action.

In other words, when the non-normie believes something is true, it is true. The fact that he or she has trouble rationalizing it is merely an inconvenience. It's like what you hear all the time in Hollywood: "Perception is reality." No, perception is not reality. Perception is only reality in the psyche of the dysfunctional non-normie. Only reality is reality and only normies can see, and deal with, reality.

Now, all non-normieness would not be a problem in society if non-normies only associated with each other and kept to themselves. But they don't. They take their dysfunctional solutions and export them, to the schools, to causes, to the legislatures, to the courts and to Congress itself. They also employ those dysfunctional solutions, as much as they can, even in the workplace and, when a business will not accept them, they get laws passed to enforce them judicially, usually with the help of non-normie judges. I'll get into this in more detail in the section entitled, "The non-normie negative effects on groups and countries."

As you may already have guessed, another commonality of non-normies is that they are self-destructive. They comprise virtually all of the suicides and attempted suicides, as well as the drug abuse, alcoholism, bulimia, anorexia, homosexuality, over eating and an almost endless list of other self-destructive activities. These particular choices, by themselves, would not be a serious problem for normies if they were contained within the non-normie community alone (other than helping to bury the bodies and feeling sympathy for the survivors). But they are not and even criminal activities, also traceable to non-normie choices, do affect us directly.

Non-normies are not only driven to destroy themselves, but they are driven to take others (normies) down with them, all in their quest for normalcy (inner peace).

For example, for every non-normie addict, practicing the chosen displacement of his or her non-normie emotional disease, there are usually three or four (sometimes more) non-normie codependents trying to cure them, trying to justify their behavior or trying to promote their causes. These co's are just as sick as the addict, and often they are worse. Obsessive relationship addictions blot out all rational thinking, too, and their backward thinking always begins with their dysfunctional answers to the questions, "What will cure the addict?," or, "What will justify those dysfunctional actions?," or, "How will I rationalize those silly causes?" This backward thinking makes them do some very insane rationalizing and behavior, themselves. Sometimes it's even more bizarre than that of the addict.

The Wako, Texas tragedy is a classic example of this insanity. There was one charismatic leader, a self-centered non-normie religious fanatic. He was surrounded by non-normie codependent followers who had chosen a relationship obsession with him, as their drug of choice. This distracted them from the hot spots in their own psyches, but it cost almost all of them their lives and families. Worst of all, it set the stage for one of the worst non-normies, ever, who used this unfortunate incident as a basis (a dysfunctional reason) for planning the Oklahoma City bombing.

Also, codependent non-normies always advertise themselves as doing good, not evil. That is why this type is found so often, and so active, in do-gooder causes, wearing the mask of being righteous. They claim to care more. Codependent non-normies have to because they know how evil they are, inside. As such, they try to convince you, and themselves, that they are really good people. But the truly righteous don't rage against anyone who opposes their, supposedly righteous, cause. "The (non-normie) doth protest too much, me thinks." (A slightly modified version of Shakespeare, from the play "Hamlet.")

Socially, one of the most dangerous characteristics of the codependent non-normie is that they suffer from dysfunctional empathy. Now empathy itself is merely feeling the pain of another person. It's usually associated with a husband actually experiencing the anguish of his beloved wife during labor. But, in the hands of non-normies, it becomes dysfunctional empathy-- which is insanity. For example, when a human being claims, "I can actually feel the pain of an animal who is (supposedly) suffering," you know immediately that you are dealing with a non-normie. No human being can actually feel the pain that an animal is going through, no matter how horrible it may appear. That's because we have never been an animal. As functional human beings, we can give sympathy to animals in pain, but we cannot actually feel their pain.

Why is this thinking so dangerous? Simple. Because, if this claim is accepted by society, it makes the non-normie a self-appointed representative of how the animal feels. Once knighted to this lofty (Dr. Doolittle) position of being the animal's human attorney, then the next step arrives (and we've already seen this happen). The non-normie animal rights activist then ascribes personality to the animal (personification), which now allows him or her to protect the animal from, even, embarrassment. Non-normies have already tried to do this and, when they do it, they do it as a group with a common dysfunctional mind-set. They also do this relative to prisoners of war. The non-normie can tell you (from the prisoners perspective) what constitutes torture, because they actually feel it on behalf of the prisoner.

In the case of animals, through dysfunctional empathy, embarrassment now becomes pain and, in the case of prisoners, embarrassment also becomes torture. Why? Because non-normies fear embarrassment as much as they do actual torture, as both bring them incredible pain (one emotional and one physical). They project their fear of embarrassment onto the animal or the prisoner. This is also why factual ridicule frightens non-normies so immensely. Because it's embarrassing, and non-normies dread embarrassment.

Additionally, this dysfunctional empathy is why they are so compulsive about trying to find out the motivation of criminals and terrorists. Non-normies actually believe that, if they discover why someone is doing such terrible things, they'll be able to cure it through therapy. Sigmund Freud couldn't accomplish this and neither can they. But they keep trying, and they do it as a group--with a non-normie group mind-set.

What I'm saying here is simple. When you find a non-normie, you'll usually find a whole family or group of non-normies. Birds of a feather do, in fact, flock together (for protection).

That's why almost all non-normies come out of dysfunctional families. Adult non-normies do not teach their children to grieve their losses. Instead, the kids copy the parents who almost always react to loss with anger.

Exodus 20:5 (Good News Version) states:

"Do not bow down to any idol or worship it, because I am the Lord your God and I tolerate no rivals, I bring punishment on those who hate me and on their descendants down to the third and fourth generation."

(Underlining added.)

No segment of society illustrates this promised punishment (to the third and fourth generation) better than non-normies, because they worship the symbols (icons) of their resentments. Thus, they bring affliction onto themselves and they teach the very dysfunction that causes it to their kids, by accident or design. This messes up those children and it also messes up our society, for several generations.

Non-normies are children in adult bodies who are so good at pretending to be grown up that they often fool you, as well as themselves. This act is especially deceiving amongst television and Hollywood stars. Often times these adult-children play parts filled with great sophistication, oration or intellect on both the big and little screen. They have scripts written for them that elevate their appearance to such heights that you begin to ascribe greatness to them. But don't be fooled. It's all an illusion.

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